Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
It’s one hour to go before 2011. Yes Lord, this time I spend New Year’s eve at my parents’ home without going out like I usually did on the previous New Year’s eves.
You know honestly and humbly said, I am scared facing 2011. It is going to be my phase of life because I will be graduating in the midyear after my four-year-study of International Relations at Parahyangan Catholic University. I’ve been living in this very comfort zone for almost 3,5 years in Bandung. I’ve got great friends, great lecturers, great experiences and I thank You for giving me them all Lord! It was precisely like 3,5 years ago when I was twelve-grader and I was confused and not sure what the college life would be, but You were there to help me decide to jump in International Relations major at my current campus. It is only one semester left for me before I am entering new chapter in the book of my life, Lord. I have been wondering about post-graduation life. So many unanswered questions tangled up in my busy mind: Will I get a job as I want? What if I become unemployed? Will I get chance to chase my master degree abroad? Will my parents afford to support my master degree? Will I be able to get scholarship? Should I worry about this, Lord? I know You have been helping me through hard and good times for this 21 years of my living, and I should know that this case of post-grad life will be no exception for You to keep guiding me.
In terms of love stories, I am thankful because You have made me meet up some men in my life. From the ladies man, playboy, adventurer, to such smart ones. As You know Lord, one of my best friend just texted me 30 minutes ago “I wish you a happy New Year and that your list of boyfriends-to-be will be added up.” Isn’t it ironic that I know some men there but I am staying single until now, Lord? Am I a snob? Am I being too picky? Am I being playful? Is there anything wrong with me Lord? At some point I find it confusing, Lord, sometimes I’m not sure what I feel and who I want to be with. Perhaps I can be called as mean for being such heartbreaker, but I am a nice person, I just want to be with someone I feel sure of although it doesn’t necessarily mean that my boyfriend would surely end up being my husband because the idea of marriage itself is still long way to go. I believe that You would give me chances to meet several men just so in the end of the day I will be in the know of what I want in a man and what to expect from him.
Dear Lord, I will never know what lies in the year ahead, that I am facing the unknown, and that problems are inevitable. It’s ok to be scared right? That means I still have something to lose, right? What is relieving is the fact that You will never leave me alone no matter how I might lose my way, if I let You to get involved in my life. I believe that You will not give me something I can’t handle.
Great Lord, sometimes I wonder “What is the purpose of my life?” and perhaps it takes time for me to finally know what the answer is as I grow and I learn in this life. You know I am not a sacred person, I am just a lay person who still wants to enjoy worldly pleasure without violating my spiritual devotion too. So I can keep up the balance between these two areas of my life Lord. Among the very various ways of my life and the absolute freedom You gave me, please let me find the way You want my life to be according to Your plan. I have nothing but myself for You to use as Your “tool” in this world. I promise You that I will be better. That’s my mission and t will never end.