Friday, September 25, 2009

Crazy Kinda Crush on Him! (there's no such empty hope right?)

I once asked God to let me feel butterflies on my stomach again.

I miss those butterflies on my stomach! I have been 'enjoying' my campus-life too much that sometimes I just forgot how it feels to fall for someone.

I asked Him to remind me to know how it feels when you like someone.

God is kind enough for He makes me feel this kind of feeling again: when you feel your heart beats so fast just to hear his name, when feel nervous just to say “Hi!” if you happen to meet him by accident, when you feel insecure how you look if he sees you, when you just want to have more and more conversation with him via Yahoo Messenger, when you regularly check his Facebook just to make sure if he is still available, when you feel your heart beat faster to see his beautiful eyes, when you insanely search excuses to exchange your phone numbers with his, when you are on the bleachers loyally watching him plays sport, and when you want to fold him into pieces and put him in your pocket just so he won’t go anywhere but near you.

Stupid isn’t it?

It is.

Now it all leads to a question: Am I obsessed, infatuated or delirious?

I sing all the crush-songs all the way, but I wonder if he would feel what I feel too. So cliché, but it does happen to me.

Should I be thankful for God has let me feel this so-called-crush feeling or Should I blame God for giving me this feeling that cause me hard to focus, because every time I daydream, it’s him that I think about?!

I wonder whether the Law Of Attraction truly exists, that if you strongly believe in something to happen to you, the universe would deliver it to you. If so, then will he possibly feel that in other part of his world there’s someone who madly think about him? Someone who would take care of him sincerely, if only he realizes that they perfectly suit together.

I think there is nothing to lose, just to believe the Law Of Attraction.

God, please, if You allow me to even try to be with him, lead me to the ways closer to him. If You don’t think he’s good enough for me, then help me to kill this feeling please?

What is the use of an empty hope?

But I guess that is not a wise way to say a feeling as an empty hope, since there is no such empty hope. I think it is the mysterious bumpy process that makes it all worth to learn in the end, regardless you end up to get what you want or not.

One more time, it’s the lesson learnt that matters.


  1. Hey dev... nice post.. haha...

    First of all, I do beleive in the laws of attraction... its an accumulation of energy... but the thing is, the outcome may not as be what you hope for.. your counter may like you back, or might notice you and be kind to you but cannot like you back.. but because you send "energy", it will be felt.....

    Hm.. personally, i am in the verge of not caring about love... but when im 25 n still single... i will panic!! hahahaha... but for now, i just dont beleive in it... call me miserable, maybe.. but i am currently and always have been receiving love from family n dear friends that being independent n strong is not a problem at alll.............. in the age of 20 =)

  2. Being single is FUN! We can do anything we want to without any approval first from someone and yeah so many reasons about being single that I have mentioned in my notes Conffesion Of Dangerous Mind: Being SIngle.

    The thing is, we cannot deny that sometime we just need that kind of affection from somebody particular haha, well right now I just enjoy the crush feeling on somebody, whether we may end up being together or not, we'll see, but the process of liking someone could make you smile and sing more love songs. Haha!

  3. "but the process of liking someone could make you smile and sing more love songs. Haha!"

    so how many love-songs books have you memorized dev? hahahahahahaha